Taylor Swift Knew She Wanted To Be a Star at 9… What is My Child’s Plan?

We are at the tale end of rejection season and I hope all the kids having to endure the stress of this time are now seeing the light at end of the tunnel… a high school diploma and the beginning of the rest of their lives.   

Rejection season is the hard reality teenagers face when rejected by the college of their dreams. The college they have had their minds set on for years as they fill their calendars with AP classes, sports, extracurricular activities, volunteer opportunities all while working hard to maintain a high GPA.  The term has gained popularity on Tik Tok where video after video, kids open rejection letters in tears, both mentally and emotionally broken.  

My first thought seeing these devastated children was “how is this season even a thing?”. But I answered my own question right away. It’s the same reason at a dinner a few months ago, other moms told me which charter schools their kids would be attending since they already knew they wanted to pursue careers in art, STEM, medicine, etc.  Their kids are currently in 4th grade, by the way.  

Needless to say, I left that dinner a little overwhelmed.  Should I know where my ten year old daughter will be going to school in a year and a half? Did she need to decide now what she wanted to study in college? Were these parents pushing their kids to decide their career path already or was it just my kid who didn’t know what she wanted to do yet?

I’ve changed my career path since graduating law school, and so do many, so why are we putting all this pressure on our kids at such a young age? 

Taylor Swift Moved To Nashville When She Was 9 Years Old

I suppose I’m to blame for this pressure cooker as well… 

At a coffee date with girl friends recently we discussed how much we, as parents, should be pushing our kids to strive for more. 

Essentially, we questioned if we should be pushing them to have more drive or should we let them find what drives them? 

Each of us had just been to the Taylor Swift concert a few days before with our daughters and were in awe – her performance, her talent, her ambition. I mean, she was 9 years old when she knew what she wanted to do with her life.  At the age of 9, she committed to vocal lessons and knew then that she wanted to pursue a country music career in Nashville.  

We laughed wondering why our kids weren’t asking us to move to Nashville yet to pursue a career in music! I also joked why my daughter’s spelling skills weren’t to par as the Indian kids on ESPN.  

Although we were joking, we knew there was a fine line between motivating our kids and breaking them mentally. 

Some parents push their kids and question if it’s too much.  Others wonder, “should I have pushed them more?”.  And then there are those who push their kids to the brink of resentment. 

The Cultural Pressure

Growing up in an Indian home, I had no choice but to get good grades. An A- was unacceptable simply because of the minus.  I knew I would be asked, “Where is the plus after the A?”. 

Although I rolled my eyes back then, I’m thankful my parents raised me to strive for more.  They instilled a work ethic in me which I’m trying to instill in my daughter today.  But admittedly, sometimes I wonder if I’m too hard on her (I can just picture my husband laughing right now as he reads this, thinking “she’s such a sucker!”). I was self driven and I hope she is as well.

My parents didn’t push me into one career over another. Sure, my mom suggested being a doctor, lawyer or news anchor but I was never forced to go down those routes unlike some of my other Indian friends. I remember one girl in college dreamt of being an artist. She was so talented but knew there was no chance for her.  Her parents said it was med school and med school only, which she had no desire to attend.  I found her on Facebook a few years ago and she is a doctor. I wonder if she’s happy, whether she still paints on her free time, and if she will parent her children to follow their dreams or follow a medical path as well. 

I want to teach my daughter to work hard and to know that laziness should not be a part of her lifestyle. I want the best of and for my child, but I also want her to be happy with whichever path she takes. I don’t want her thinking that not getting into the college of her dreams will define her. 

The Signs of an Overburdened Child

After doing my own research, I found that the following can be signs of a child who is overburdened by the pressures of a parent.  Their stress can be exhibited in some of the following ways. 

• Not wanting to go to school
• Refusing parent’s help with homework and then becoming frustrated
• Anxious to show parents their grades 
• Frequently being irritable or moody
• Complaining of stomachaches, headaches, or simply not feeling well 
• Having nightmares
• Ending friendships
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Engaging in self-destructive behaviors like drug or alcohol use
• Overreacting to minor problems

I think it’s important to fully assess our child’s strengths, interests and capabilities to help us determine whether we are pushing them too hard or not pushing them enough.  

Confidence in our children can tell us that they will likely be the best judge of what they can and cannot handle. The less harsh and judgmental we are of them, the more likely the lines of communication will remain open for us to discuss what works for them and what doesn’t.  

Pushing your child to succeed is not a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s necessary. But pushing too hard can push them away.  

We live in a competitive society and want to see our kids thrive, but we need to realize that the the burden is on them, not us.  We simply can give them the tools to realize their full potential and to be as successful as they work to be.  

With this, hopefully, when they are seniors in high school we will be talking about “acceptance season” instead of “rejection season”.