A Strong Social Circle Can Prolong Your Life

It should be of no surprise the impact our relationships have on our moods.  Think about a time you’ve been in a great mood. Then, from one second to the next, someone you know ruins it. 

The countless of family gatherings where your aunt makes a comment about your weight or why you’re still not married. You always leave these gatherings upset yet you still put yourself through the torture. 

The birthday dinner where one of your closest friends always talks about himself. He never asks how your kids are or how your new gig is going. The friendship has become one sided… or has it always been?  

The cultural events you try to be optimistic about but you never have any fruitful conversations at.  

Yet, you continue to put yourself through these anguishing events because who else will you spend time with otherwise.  

Social Fitness

Over 10 years ago, Noel Scott created the 5 Spheres of Fit. His research and experience indicated that our social fitness has a direct impact on both our physical and mental fitness.  

Social health is the ability of individuals to form healthy and rewarding interpersonal relationships with others. Social health explores concepts which include interpersonal relationships, marriage, intimacy, friendship, valuing limited connections and broadening our personal reach. 

According to an 85-year Harvard study, positive relationships keep people happier, healthier and living longer.  Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, directed the longest scientific study of happiness saying “If you regularly feel isolated and lonely, it can be as dangerous as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.”

A pack of cigarettes! Then, why aren’t we talking about “social fitness” and “social health” more? 

I believe we will. As we continue to normalize the importance of mental health, discussing that our social health can be detrimental to us physically and mentally will become normal practice.  

In fact, another study published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour indicates that those who are lonely or socially isolated, may have a higher risk of early death.  

The stress of relationships and the stress of loneliness can become chronic if the feelings persist. And as we should all know, uncontrolled stress can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes and so much more. 

Teaching Kids How To Be Socially Fit 

It’s not just adults who go through this roller coaster of relationship emotions. Children go through it as well.

Based on my personal experience and those of other parents I speak to, children seem to be navigating through tough relationships much sooner than my generation did.  Cliques, arguments and even bullying can begin in elementary school.  Conflict in relationships are normal, even for children, but they can also be mental taxing. 

Recently, my 10 year old said she was fed up with a friend who she says criticizes her all the time. 

“You don’t run fast enough.” 

“You’re smiling funny.” 

“Why are you wearing those shoes?”

Our advice to our daughter was to continue to be kind because we don’t know what people are going through  But there is a fine line between giving the benefit of the doubt and having to protect yourself. 

We told her that if the friendship does not make you feel good, it’s ok to let go of it. Negative relationships that create sadness, stress, or anxiety are ones we don’t need in our life.  Focus on the other people in your life that are kind to you, support you and you can grow with. 

According to Dr. Waldinger,  “What we see in our research is that everybody needs at least one solid relationship, someone whom they feel they can count on in times of need.”

I encourage everyone to share this with their children so that they grow up knowing that their social fitness is just as important as their physical and mental fitness. 

Some ways to keep your social sphere fit is to…

• Similar interests. Find like minded individuals as you.
• Don’t rely on social media. Social media can be a good way to stay in touch with people but you likely won’t build solid relationships through these platforms. 
• Be true to yourself. Don’t change who you are to appease people. 
• Be happy. Make sure your relationships make you happy. If they don’t, then you need to ask yourself why you need this relationship. 
• You are growing. Sometimes we outgrow relationships and that is ok. They played an important part in our lives during a period of time. 
• Mutual respect. You should respect the people in your life and they should be respecting you. It’s as simple as that. 

For more tips on building your social fitness, read “Look to your social health if you want to improve your well-being” at BetterUp. 

Reiterate over and over to yourself and others, your social sphere prolongs life.